


Scars

by orphan_account



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: F/M, Not Epilogue Compliant
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-29
Updated: 2014-06-30
Packaged: 2018-02-06 15:45:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1863387
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Because he would save her again.</p><p>Rating is for later chapter(s).</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. one

Severus Snape awoke on Christmas morning to find an unexpected present in the center of his sitting room.  There, next to what was surely the usual bottle of firewhiskey from the Malfoys, was a box wrapped in plain paper with a small bow. The tag read: S. Snape, Happy Christmas, H. Granger.

He glared at it from 3 feet away.

“Accio firewhiskey”

After a warming nip of alcohol, after he was sure there were no hexes or spells on the other box, he finally opened it. It left him even more confused and in what he realized later was a horrible decision he headed straight to Miss Granger’s room to determine what she was playing at.

The corridors were silent as most of the teachers and staff had left to spend the holiday with friends and family. He realized as he walked that Miss Granger might not even be in, _probably spending the day with her dunderheaded friends_.  He was surprised when she opened the door.

He held up a soft scarf, the texture identifying it as handmade.

“What is this exactly?”

“A scarf, for Christmas.” She looked crestfallen, eyes averted, not one to lie but also without the fire to defend her gift. Her thin shoulders slumped, turning in and down. “Yes, I, I’m sure you’re accustomed to finer things I just, I made it, and there were so many presents, so I made them myself, because the costs, and I haven’t.”  She stopped, eyes closed but her face was down.

“I see it is a scarf, Miss Granger. What I am asking is why.”

“Molly let me scavenge from her yarn supply because I” she took a deep breath, “I don’t have anything.”

“Your parents-” He had heard what she had done to protect her parents, but he assumed she had reversed her spell at some point during his long recovery.

“No.”

“Did you-“

“No.” she cut him off. There was a long silence before she said, “I’m sorry to have offended you, I’ll-“ She said it softly, eyes cast down.  She reached out to take the scarf.

And then he felt it, realized what he had done. She was without a family, just as he was, but she was also without money. He had offended her, reopening what were obviously deep wounds on both counts.  He had also displayed a criminal lack of manners in the way he was refusing her gift. 

“No, it’s quite . . . adequate.”

Her shoulders sagged further, “You hate it and you still hate me. I would rather take it back and donate it than have you destroy or throw it away.” Her voice was quiet and almost steady as she reached and took hold of the fabric that then stretched between them like a tug-of-war when she retracted her arm.

Hermione Granger had always met his eye, always, even when he was horrible and vicious and cruel.  She wasn’t meeting his eye today.  He slowly opened his hand, releasing his grasp of the soft scarf. He looked around her room for the first time and realized she had only one picture taped to the wall, a photograph of herself with Potter and Weasley torn from the Prophet. She had some books and quills, the standard ones from the school supply rooms, some furniture he recognized immediately as having formerly been Minerva’s, but nothing more. Even the décor of his rooms, for all of its simplicity, was ten-fold more personal. 

She had one gift box open on the floor in the center of the room, a sweater he immediately recognized as made by Molly Weasley.

“May I have that back?” he asked softly, reaching for the scarf.

There was a long pause before he heard, “I would rather not.” The tremor in her voice audible now, even with her face down he realized he had made her cry.

She slowly stepped back into the room and softly closed the door.  He stood in the corridor for a long while.  Heard her inside as she slid down the door and cried.  When the sound of her sobs stopped he left silently. He checked with Filch and with the elves in the kitchens, leaning that Miss Granger was expected to be in the castle for the full holiday break, not expected to miss even a single meal. He couldn’t help but notice Filch wearing a new scarf; differing only in color from the one Hermione had given him. And there was no missing the house elves raving about ‘Missy Hermione’ and the chocolates she had made them for Christmas. Even Mrs. Norris was carrying a small knitted woolen ball as she walked past him, her tail swishing.

Severus was due at Malfoy Manner for dinner. He was frowning when he arrived, feeling a burden on his back which he hadn’t carried since he learned of the Dark Lord’s demise.  When he arrived the weight of his burden was increased upon seeing Draco Malfoy enter, wearing a scarf in the now familiar texture.  As he greeted his god son he casually asked about it, “Ah, not my usual style but Granger sent it round, she sent a shawl for Mother as well.”

“You both exchange gifts with Miss Granger?”

“Unexpected, isn’t it?  Things were . . . odd after the battle, with Father taken to Azkaban and you in a coma for months.  Mother and I visited you, ran in to Granger there from time to time.  She was very polite to Mother when none of our old circle were.  That was when our accounts were in question,” he said the last bit as a quiet aside, as many of their circle were in attendance for the dinner that evening.  “Mother began sending her a gift at Christmas last year, after Granger wrote a letter of support to the Ministry which tilted things in our favor, full ‘Order of Merlin’ seal by her name and all that.  She kept Mother out of Azkaban and ensured the full release of our accounts. Did it all behind the scenes, too. Mother and I only found out later when I, _procured_ shall we say, a copy of our sealed files.”

“I see.” Severus thought for a moment before adding, “Do you know who Miss Granger was visiting?”

Severus saw the single moment of confusion flash on Draco’s face.  “She was visiting you, Uncle.  We saw her because she was in your room every Tuesday, reading you articles from Potions Monthly.”

Severus felt like he had been punched in the stomach. He had no idea. He had awoken, St Mungo’s had contacted Minerva, she arrived to tell him that his position as Potions Master was still his, and (assured he was well enough to travel) they had left for Hogwarts that evening.  He had never known he had visitors, hadn’t even considered it.

“I hear she’s working with you now, at Hogwarts” Draco prompted.

“Yes, Minerva brought her on as a general assistant to the Headmistress, now that the school has reopened.  She’s hoping to get Miss Granger to hold some sessions on research and investigative methods in the library for the students.”

Draco took a drink and after a deep breathe he said, “Did you . . . Uncle, she obliviated her own parents to keep them out of it, then spent every knut she had and some of Potter’s money trying to find them and return their memories.  I’ve heard that it didn’t work.  Left her penniless.  I tried to offer her a job, but she wouldn’t take it.  Mother thinks she’s lost her confidence.”

“Yes, I think your Mother is quite correct.” Severus muttered.  His mind was spinning.

“Damn shame, I need someone to reign in R&D. They’ve gone wild with Father out of the picture and I was thinking she would be perfect.”  He could see Draco hadn’t dropped the idea; rather he was trying to formulate another approach.

“And she and Weasley . . .” Severus trailed off.

“That tosser, rumor has it he quite enjoys all of the female attention he’s gotten since the final battle.  Word is he and Granger never really got together.”

Before he could ask anything more dinner was called and everyone adjourned to the spacious dining room.

Much later that evening Severus returned to the castle. His mind was still working though all of the events of the day and the information he’s learned; something was off, he could feel it. Walking through the main doors, deep in his own thoughts he nearly walked directly Madam Pomfrey.  He noticed she had a wrap around her shoulders in the same knit as the familiar scarves. 

“Oh Professor, have you seen Miss Granger? I was at my sister’s when the elves alerted me that she hasn’t been down for meals today.  I was wondering if she left for the holiday without informing anyone, it seems so unlike her though.”

“Yes, I saw her briefly earlier this morning.” Poppy looked relieved, but he felt worse and worse.

“Oh good, did she mention her plans for the day, or look as if she were leaving the grounds?”

“Neither.  Please, allow me to check on her.  You should return to your plans for the evening”

“Thank you, Professor, please don’t hesitate to let me know if she’s taken ill.”

Madam Pomfrey headed to the nearest open floo and Severus headed to Hermione’s door once again.  There was a black pit in his stomach as he walked. Even the portraits on her hall were giving him dirty looks.

He knocked softly on her door and waited, this time she only opened it an inch.  It was dark inside but by the light from the corridor he could see her eyes were red and swollen.

“Miss Granger, there has been some concern as to your wellbeing as you did not attend meals today as expected.” He spoke softly, more kindly than his words belied.

“I preferred to stay in my room today, sir. I apologize for any bother.” She stepped away to shut the door, but he was quicker and placed his large hand on the edge, pushing it open further. 

“I realize I have upset you, Miss Granger, and it was not my intention to do so.  It is I who must apologize for my poor behavior.”

“Thank you, sir.” She tried to shut the door again but he only used the opportunity to open it another few inches. She looked up at him, confused. “Sir?”

“You visited me.” He blurted out. 

“You’ve seen Malfoy then.” The confusion melted away, a resigned expression in its place. “I realize that you’re not pleased. I assure you, sir, all I did was read to you.  I didn’t do anything to invade your privacy or interfere with your care.”

He pushed the door open and entered her room, closing it behind him.  He commanded the lamps to light and turned to her.  She was confused again, looked to be preparing for a punishment. He took in the room, now lit, looking nearly the same as it had this morning, the jumper in the open box still sitting on the floor.  The only difference was her bed, perfectly made in the morning and now disheveled as though she had been curled atop the quilts. His scarf was wound into a ball near the pillows.

He sat down in one of a pair of chairs by the window. As gently as he could he said, “Miss Granger, I am not displeased to learn you visited me.  I am hoping you could tell me why you did so.”

She sat on the very edge of the opposite chair, turned away from him and looking down at the hands in her lap. “Harry told me, what you did for us.  I wanted to thank you.  I realize now that sounds very childish, you won’t care for my thanks, but at the time I” she stopped and took a breath, shutting her eyes hard.  “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” she said softly as her tears returned.

He didn’t even think, just moved into her chair and pulled her into his lap like a child.  He held her as she cried on his shoulder, talking to her softly, “Shhhh, It’s all right.  You’ve nothing to be sorry for.”  He stroked her back and let her cry.

“I never thought of anyone visiting me.” He said later, when she quieted. “I was surprised to learn that you had, and that you did so regularly.”

She moved to sit up, keeping her face turned away from him all the while.  He took a chance, “Miss Granger, would you allow me to see your intentions for doing so?”

She stopped and nodded once.  He took this as his cue and entered her mind as gently as he could.  Her mind was a jumble; this is not at all what he would have expected from her. He saw disorganized flashes and agonizingly raw emotion, felt her loss in not regaining her parents, shame when Draco offers her a job and she thinks it’s out of pity, humiliation from this morning when he brought back the scarf, fear as she wakes screaming in the night to Ginny Weasley shaking her awake saying it was a nightmare, helplessness as Molly and Arthur take her in and Hermione has to disclose that she has nothing but the clothes on her back, stabs of pain when she walks in on Ron Weasley naked with a girl Severus doesn’t recognize, and again with another, her mind says she has no friends, she has no skills, she’s plain and ugly, frizzy haired, no one likes her, she hasn’t even taken her NEWTS, Minerva feels sorry for her that’s why she has this job.  Severus pushes in further and further, finally finding blind terror on the floor of Malfoy Manor, Bellatrix Lestrange carving in her arm, Bellatrix Lestrange cursing her again and again, she knew she would die here, she was going to die – Severus abruptly pulled out of her mind, breathing hard.

“Miss Granger” he was still gulping air, “Miss Granger we need to get Madam Pomfrey.” Hermione jumped up and summoned an elf to fetch the matron.  She then moved to help Severus up, “No Granger, we’re fetching Madam Pomfrey for you.”

When he regained his breath Severus walked Hermione to the hospital wing. He sat Hermione on a bed just moments before an elf popped in with Madam Pomfrey.

“Professor?” she said as she moved towards them quickly.

“Miss Granger is suffering aftereffects of some modified curses.  I believe she was never properly treated for the Cruciatus Curse, and I am quite sure that at least one modified Cruciatus was used on her as well, possibly more.”

Severus and Madam Pomfrey spoke for some time, leaving the room in turns to floo or owl others.  First Headmistress McGonagall, then Professor Flitwick, Molly Weasley, Harry and Ginny, Neville Longbottom, Luna Lovegood, and finally Draco and Narcissa Malfoy all arrived.  Hermione sat at the head of the small hospital wing bed with her legs curled in front of her, chin on her knees.  Luna came and sat with her, taking off her necklace of corks and radish tops and placing it over Hermione’s head, telling her that it would help with the cloud of Nargles swarming around her.

It was late into the night when Severus came back and stood near Hermione’s bed.  “Miss Granger, I noticed when you allowed me in to your mind that you seem to be under the continuing effects of a number of curses.  Madam Pomfrey and I have assembled the group before you in the hopes that we can lessen or possibly even eliminate the side effects of these curses, but you must know that we may find our efforts complicated due of the length of time you’ve been suffering.”

Hermione didn’t look up; she curled into herself even tighter.  Severus looked up at Narcissa and nodded.  Narcissa Malfoy knew her sister’s spells, making her the best bet to help unravel the damage Bellatrix had left in Hermione’s mind.  Narcissa put her hands on either side of Hermione’s head and concentrated.  She could see all the dark tendrils of her sister’s magic working away on Hermione’s mind. She slowly backed out, then lowered her hands and turned to confer with the group.

It ultimately took 2 days, and a total of 15 witches and wizards to help Hermione.   They kept the rest of the wizarding world out of the hospital wing, even as various Weasley’s arrived.  The work was too delicate to begin swapping people in and out.  Only those with specialized skills that were absolutely necessary were brought in.

Finally, on December 28th, the spells were cast and Hermione drank the potion Severus and Draco brewed for her. She tipped her head back to drink the last of it and just kept tipping, falling slowly backwards onto the bed. Her eyes closed and she laid still, her cup falling out of her hand.  Everyone waited, getting nervous and starting to look at each other and worry that they had made a mistake.  Suddenly Hermione’s body convulsed, her back bent at an extreme angle and she gasped in, eyes snapping open.  She breathed, gulping in air and looked around the room wildly before falling back onto the bed.  Her breathing slowed and Harry moved forward so she could see him, “’Mione?”

“Harry, HARRY!!” She started laughing, smiling, she suddenly looked carefree, “It’s gone, she’s GONE!” and she started to cry. Narcissa moved forward and placed her hands on Hermione’s temples again, smiling when she found no trace of her sister’s magic.  Narcissa moved a hand to Hermione’s forehead, “There child, she’s all gone.” Everyone breathed a sign of relief.

Severus turned to move away from the bed when Hermione caught his hand, “Thank you, Thank you,” she was saying as she cried tears of relief, looking up at him.  He squeezed her hand in his and said “Of course, Miss Granger.”

*

A week later, as Hogwart’s was preparing for the students to return, Severus knocked on Hermione’s door again.  This time when she answered she threw the door wide open and smiled at him.  He took her in, her curly hair returned to all its former glory, her cheeks looking rosy and her eyes bright.  He only had a moment to look at her before she threw her arms around him and pulled him into her room in a hug.

“I will never be able to thank you” she said as she shifts back to look at him.

“Miss Granger.” It’s all he can think to say. He takes a step away, noticing a small suitcase packed near the bed and a box by the windows. The room freshly cleaned and the photograph from the Prophet absent.

“I’m so glad to see you Professor.  I wanted to say goodbye.  I’m going to work for Draco Malfoy, who ever would have thought that could happen.”  She guided him to sit in one of the chairs by the window as she took the other.

“I’m glad to hear it, Miss Granger.”

“Please, call me Hermione.  And I would very much like to call you Severus. You’ve seen inside of my mind so I think it’s only fitting.” She reached into the box and brought out the scarf she had given him for Christmas. “Also, I wanted you to have this.”

“I do want to apologize again for that morning. I assure you I do have much better manners than I displayed that day.” Despite curing her of the lingering mental torture of her curse he still felt guilty that he had behaved so horribly.

“But if you hadn’t . . . You set off the whole chain of events which led to you identifying the problem and curing me. Without that morning it might never have happened.  Please Severus, don’t be sorry.” She moved to the edge of her seat nearest him, and placed the scarf around his neck.

“Why did you visit me?” he blurted out. She was so close he couldn’t think straight, he could smell her shampoo and her perfume and it was overwhelming him.

“Do you want to see?” She scooted even closer, their knees brushing,

She closed her eyes and invited him to enter her mind. He started gently again; it was so different than what he experienced last time.  Organized to the last detail, her mind was like a giant interconnected web of libraries, everything orderly, and everything cross-referenced.  He found the memories of her visiting him, saw that she thought of him as a protector, saw her memories of the time Lupin transformed and he threw her behind him to shield her.  He felt that she had trusted him always, wanting so badly to please him in class.  She genuinely seemed to like and respect him. He felt her appreciation for his sacrifices.  He even felt her arousal at the sound of his deep voice.  At that he felt he had gone in just a bit too far and he started to back out, but she caught him inside of her own mind and drew him in further. He saw how grateful she was, she felt that he had saved her life by finding the lingering curse. She thought he had strong hands and she admired his long fingers when he held her hand in the hospital wing. She liked the way he smelled when she hugged him, clean and masculine.  He withdrew as gently as he could, coming back to himself and realizing he was blushing.

“Miss Gr . . . Hermione, I don’t quite – “ She leaned in and kissed him softly, tilted her head and did it again, a third time and she caught his lip and gave it the gentlest little suck.

“You saved my life, Severus” she breathed against his lips, “At least 3 times, but probably more.” She kissed him again, and he finally kissed back, her soft lips opening to him.

When they broke apart she said “Come to dinner with me? I leave for London this afternoon, but I’ll have to eat tonight.”  She smiled.

“I, I don’t . . .” She kissed him again.

“Please Severus” she said against his lips.

“I, yes.” And he felt a weight lifting off of him.

 

 


	2. two

Severus felt like a dunderheaded teenager as he apparated to the street where Hermione had taken a flat.  He wasn’t sure if he should bring her flowers, he thought that was something that people did on dates, but he didn’t exactly know if he was on a date. He was a middle-aged man who had no idea how to do this. A middle-aged man about to go to dinner with a young woman who was far too recently his student, he felt utterly screwed.  He felt so drawn to her, but so foolish for those feelings. 

He decided to force himself to learn from what he had seen Bellatrix’s curse do to Hermione’s mind.  He wouldn’t listen to the voice that said he was foolish or told him to go home and pretend this had never happened. He swallowed his pride and went to knock on her door.

She answered the door with a smile and with her hand on his arm she welcomed him to her nearly empty new flat.  “This is why I had to come down today, I’ve got to get everything from furniture to clothes,” she laughed.

She led him to her kitchen to two tall chairs at a built-in counter where they ate take-away and drank wine.  It shocked him halfway through dinner that he was having such an easy conversation with her.  They flowed from topic to topic easily; they had similar interests in everything from magical research to literature.

Finally, when the dishes were done and the kitchen cleared they settled in for another glass of wine.  She took a sip of hers and said, “I would like to know more about the curses I was suffering from.”

“You’ve talked to Madam Pomfrey, and Minerva?”

“A little, I wanted to hear it from you.” She set down her wine and looked at him, waiting.

“Of course. As you are aware, Bellatrix Lestrange was a very powerful witch.  She was . . . devious . . . as well.  She modified the Crucio to torture you mentally, and once it embedded in your mind it didn’t stop. It infected your mind, feeding on your fears and insecurity as well as on your magic.  You were still you most of the time, kind and thoughtful to even Mrs. Norris at Christmas,” he gave her a warm look at that before he continued “but your nightmares were worse, your doubts were more frequent and more severe.  When things happened in your life that were . . . hurtful, to you . . . the pain was amplified, the curse made you think it was your own fault, but I assure you that is not the case.”

“You’re talking about Ron.” She said quietly.

“It seems that his actions, the pain they caused you, may have been the catalyst for the curse to take hold at an accelerated rate.”

She sniffed.  “It didn’t hurt less, with each witch I caught him with. Honestly, you would think that if you were walked in on once you might take measures in the future to prevent . . . but it felt as though he wanted me to catch him with them.  To see him like that.” There was a long pause “In my head, she said it was because of my scars, which was why he wanted me to see those perfect naked girls.”

“Hermione,” he said, and he reached for her hand, held her tiny hand in his large one.

She squeezed his hand and barked out a teary sad laugh, “It was such a relief to have her out of my head, I’m only just realizing that I still have to deal with all of the feelings I had while she was in there.”

“Some of the feelings you had, feeling that Draco or Minerva only offered you positions because of pity for example, you know those feelings were lies, don’t you?”

“Oh yes, completely!  I’ll be brilliant at this job for Malfoy, I know that, and I’ve already given Minerva a set of lesson plans for the students who need to develop their library research skills, and I’m working with her to plan seminars for them as well.  It’s some of the other things, the amplification of my true feelings, those I can’t simply dismiss as Bellatrix Lestrange in my head. I have to separate her lies and illusions from the truth.”

“Hermione, the only truth I saw was your pain.” He squeezed her hand and looked into her eyes, she had shed a few tears as they spoke but was far from the crying girl he saw at Christmas. “I would like to offer you my assistance, in any way you require.  Whether it be with your own recovery or if you wish to resume your efforts with your parents.”

“Thank you, Severus.  I may very well take you up on both counts.”

They both relaxed, and sipped their wine in silence for a few moments until Severus couldn’t continue to hold back him comments. “Hermione, I must apologize if I am overstepping the boundary of appropriate conversation, but you mustn’t doubt that you are a very beautiful young woman.”

She blushed a little as she looked at him over her wineglass, causing him to flush slightly in return. “Thank you.”

“Of course.”

There was another long silence before she took a deep breath, “I know that I kissed you today, and asked you out on a date – “

“Hermione, I am aware that your emotions are still fluctuating.  I expect your confidence was so low that it reached an equal extreme in the other direction.  I certainly wouldn’t want you to think that I had expectations of anything more than conversation.”

She shifted a little closer, taking his hand again. “I had expectations.  I know my emotions are working to reach equilibrium, but I had been thinking, about you.” She was looking into his eyes.

“Hermione.” He breathed.  He didn’t know what to do, couldn’t move as her eyes held his, she slowly leaned in and as her eyes drifted closed so did his, a moment before their lips touched.

This kiss was so much more intense than the light ones earlier.  This time there were hints of passion, a low flame just starting to flicker. Their position in the kitchen prevented much escalation, but he did put his hand on her cheek, cradling it as they kissed.

 When they broke apart he kept his hand on her cheek, a little dazed. “Mmmmm, you’re quite good at that,” she told him, eyes still closed.

“Yes, I think you’re rather skilled as well,” his voice falling just a little deeper than usual.

“Ohhhm, your voice,” she dropped her forehead onto his shoulder. “You know I really, really, enjoy your voice.”

And for the very first time she heard him laugh, a little embarrassed, a little happy, and just a little bit free. She lifted her head from where it was jostled on his shoulder and looked into his eyes, seeing a genuine smile on his face and returning it with her own.

The moment was sadly broken by a knock at the door. Startled, Hermione turned to look at it and then turned back to Severus, “I’m not expecting anyone.” Her brow furrowed slightly.  Severus looked to the clock above the stove and noted that it was getting rather late.

“Would you allow me?”

“Yes, thank you, Severus.” He moved off to answer the door, Hermione following behind.  Little could have shocked her move than the sight of Ron Weasley standing in the hallway when it opened.

Ron saw Hermione first when the door opened and he smiled, when he noticed Severus and the smile disappeared.  There was a moment when both Severus and Hermione could see the wheels in Ron’s head turning, reminding him that Severus had identified Hermione’s condition and had called in Ron’s own mother to aid in curing it.

“’Lo, Hermione, Professor.” He nodded to each

“Hello Ronald” Hermione said as she approached the door.  “Mr. Weasley.” Severus nodded back.  Hermione hadn’t invited him in so they all just stood there, Severus waiting for some signal from Hermione as to whether he should excuse himself, Ron waiting to be asked in, and Hermione waiting for Ron to explain what he was doing at her door. Hermione recovered first.

“Ron, is everything alright?”

“Oh, yeah, sure, everything’s fine. Just had dinner with Harry and Gin, they mentioned your time in hospital and that you were moving and I got Ginny to give me the address, so I figured I’d pop by.” He smiled like this idea was brilliant.

“I see, well it’s quite late, and as you can see” she gestured to the interior of the apartment, “I haven’t any furniture just yet.  Perhaps we can visit another time.”

“Oh, oh yeah, course.” But he remained standing there, glancing at Severus who was waiting for some indication from Hermione as to what to do next.

“Well, ‘Night then, Ron.  I’ll owl you tomorrow.”  Hermione stepped back, indicating that Severus should close the door, “Mr. Weasley” he said again with a nod.

“’Night!” Ron called as the door was closing.

They heard him leave but remained standing in the entryway for a few moments while Hermione collected her thoughts. She blew out a long breath and said, “Was here for what I think he was here for?”

“Quite.”

She walked back into her flat as she spoke, keeping her face turned half towards Severus so he would follow, “So he hears that I’m cured, and shows up here in the middle of the night, and expects I’ll just, just” her arms were waving by this point, “shag him?  I walked in on him with 4 different witches, girls I have never even seen before, and, he could think, what, HONESTLY!” she finished in exasperation.  Severus had returned to his former seat as Hermione paced in her kitchen.

He remained silent, the last thing he wanted was to upset her any further.  He recognized that she was going to need a lot of time to think about the events of the last few years without the hindrance of Bellatrix Lestrange’s curse.

“I’m sorry we were interrupted, Severus.” She plopped down into her chair, turned towards him as she was before but without the hints of fire they had been nurturing.

“I’m not.” She looked at him in surprise, “Hermione I believe Mr. Weasley’s visit has served to remind me that you’re going to need some time to consider the many events that have happened since you were cursed. We’ve already discussed the fact that your emotions at this point are still adjusting, and I would not want anything to occur that would lead to regrets on your part.”

“Severus, I know I would not regret anything that may happen between us.”

Severus took a deep breath and considered how to proceed.  The past few days had brought to light the fact that he had some thinking of his own to do. When he had awoken at St. Mungo’s he had resumed his life much as it had been before, finding slowly that without the need to work as a spy and protect Potter that he had a great deal of free time and significantly less stress.  He also found that he was lonely.  He had isolated himself with his mission, and now that the mission was completed he had only his job and his research to occupy his mind.

The events of Christmas day and everything following had awakened a number of questions he previously considered long answered. As a young man he had made peace with the idea of living his life alone, but now that question was emerging again.  He had not entertained ideas of dating or companionship or even sex with a woman he knew in two decades.  What he did know was that Hermione needed one person in her life she could count on, and it felt too much like taking advantage of her impression of him as her protector for things to proceed at present.

“I think perhaps now is not the time for anything to ‘happen.’  Hermione, I very much enjoy your company, but I also feel that your mind needs more than just a few days to settle.  Do not feel that my statement indicates in any way that I don’t desire you; you are intelligent and very beautiful.”  He paused, considering how to proceed while Hermione waited with the understanding that he had more to say.  He again quieted his fears and insecurities with the memory of her own, proceeding after a deep breath.

“I thought, for nearly as long as you have been alive, that I would never kiss a woman I knew.  I have never been to a lady’s flat for a private dinner, let alone asked there by said lady on a date.  I was at peace with the idea that such a thing would never happen to me. You have awoken a number of questions regarding that portion of life that I felt I have long ago answered, and I think I need time to consider them.  I also fear that at some point you may determine that your feelings for me are . . . misplaced, and I would be ashamed if you ever felt that I had taken advantage.  I believe proceeding slowly might quell my fears.”

Hermione nodded, considering what he had said. “Severus, I must tell you something.  I don’t want you to be surprised at any point in the future, and I want to be clear that I wish to pursue a future which includes you, and dates, and more.” She looked down for a moment, “There are some events you did not see when you looked into my mind. Events that I realize were prompted by the low opinion of myself I was living with as a result of the curses. Between the end of the Final Battle and the time when the curse began to run rampant I . . . I was with Ron. I don’t wish to pursue anything other than friendship with him, eventually, when he stops acting like a prat. The times we were together were . . . awkward. Any time I have been with anyone has been awkward, and while I don’t regret any of my encounters per se, I now realize I had been hoping to use this flood of emotion I’ve experienced since the curse was removed to try to . . . I’m sorry, Severus this sounds awful as I’m saying it, and it was not my intention to use you, but I must admit I had hoped we would have sex while I was still riding this wave of confidence.”

“Hermione,” he said, cupping her face and looking at her with concern. He stood, moving closer to her chair so he could wrap his arm around her, still holding her face with the opposite had as he guided her to lean into his shoulder.  He smiled when he heard her inhale deeply and felt her hands clutch at his robe. “I have no idea whether the first time we are together would be awkward or not, but I want very much, if it is to happen, for it to be genuine, and for it to be within the context of a relationship.”

Hermione smiled into his shoulder, calmed by the contact of his body next to hers.

“May I ask you to dinner?” She could feel his deep voice as he spoke and her smile widened.

“Yes, yes I would like that very much.” She continued to smile as he held her in the kitchen of her bare flat.  They stayed that way for a long while before he wished her a good night.

 


	3. three

One dinner led to another, and another, with each dinner offering more conversation, and the end of each evening offering the opportunity for more kisses.  Hermione quite enjoyed Severus’s old-fashioned formal manners, as well as his attempts to adapt to her more modern view of acceptable social interactions.  He made her feel at the same time capable and precious; and she knew beyond a doubt that she was seeing a side of him that no one else had ever known.

Hermione was indeed exactly the person for the job at Malfoy’s Research and Design division, much to Draco Malfoy’s pleasure. She was also able to start teaching a series of weekly courses for the students at Hogwarts, and to Severus’ surprise the papers he had to grade were improving dramatically for the students attending her sessions.

Hermione had truly regained her equilibrium and she was excelling in all endeavors save one.  Her efforts to rebuild her friendship with Ron weren’t progressing nearly as well as she had hoped.  It seemed he felt that their relationship’s failure to progress was entirely caused by the curse, and he was having a hard time accepting that in the absence of the curse Hermione hadn’t regained romantic feelings for him.  He seemed to feel that she should be flattered by his attention, and when she wasn’t he was at first confused and then somewhat angry with her.  He was trying to be patient, but he didn’t seem to grasp the idea that Hermione was not, as he thought, ‘lucky’ to be receiving his interest.  He was further confounded by her ongoing interest in dating Snape.

As always, Hermione poured herself into researching the problem in their friendship and developing a plan based on a number of studies of human behavior.  She also insisted that when they saw each other it was always within the context of friendly gatherings usually including Harry and Ginny. While her many friends might not completely understand her relationship with their former Professor, they were grateful to him for all he had done for Hermione and all knew they had never seen her as happy or vibrant as she currently was.

After one such gathering, a picnic near the burrow with a number of former classmates, Hermione was racing to get ready for her latest date with Severus.  She had just finished drying her hair from the shower when she heard him in her sitting room.  She called, “just a moment” with her head buried in her wardrobe as she searched for one lost shoe.

Severus, hearing only a muffled voice and movement further in the apartment followed the sounds down the hallway to the wide-open door of her bedroom.  He couldn’t move his eyes from the scene before him, reaching out to the doorjamb for support. There, better than any of the nearly nonstop fantasies he was having, was Hermione’s perfect, knicker clad, bum waving in the air as she searched her closet.

Severus groaned, causing Hermione to straighten and turn towards him, revealing that knickers were the only thing she was currently wearing.  She took in his face, his black eyes locked on her, his mouth open slightly, he was looking at her with such longing.  She had been waiting patiently, wanting him to be sure she was ready, but truth be told she had been ready the first night they had dinner together and she was now far beyond ready.

She turned fully towards him, her weight on one foot as the other leg bent at the knee, she dropped the shoe she had been searching for and reached out to him with one hand, “Severus, can it be time?”

He nodded dumbly, his brain having lost the ability to form words as he stared at her.  So beautiful with warm tanned skin, eyes like shimmering brown velvet, a beautiful figure he’s been dreaming about, and gloriously round, perky breasts he was currently mesmerized by.  Her breasts started bouncing slightly, much to his delight, and he smiled at them before realizing he wasn’t looking at her face.  When he looked up to make eye contact he found she was laughing at him.  “So, you’re as eager as I am?” and she smiled at him, that wonderful warm, carefree smile.

“You have no idea.” He said as he wrapped his arms around her.

He kissed her with every ounce of passion he had been pouring into his fantasies, making her moan into his mouth. He ran his hands over her bare back, feeling his fingers glide over her skin like fine silk. She moaned again and pressed herself ever closer, the stiff fabric of his coat rubbing roughly against her breasts. 

“Please, please” she said as her small hands started working to remove his clothes.  He moved to help her, pulling off the yards of cloth covering him like they were on fire. Once his chest was bare she ran her hands up and down his slim torso, over the fine patch of black hair in the center, down to his belly and into the line of hair leading down below the waist of his trousers.  He was moaning now as well, his deep, smooth, chocolaty voice moaning because of her.  Hermione had never felt so turned on in her life.

As he finished pushing his coat and shirt off the dark mark on his forearm was revealed to her for the first time. For just a moment he stopped, he knew that she knew it was there, but he also knew it was something quite more to see the mark in person.  He was surprised when Hermione lifted one of her arms to show him the underside. In his focus on her perfect breasts earlier he had been blind to any of her scars.  The shaky beginning of the common slur for muggleborns was there on her arm, in red scar tissue. He turned his head, showing her the worst of the scars from Nagini, she brought his hand up to her chest, to the tiny lines, faded to nearly match her skin from the repeated curses she had sustained.  Leaving his large hand splayed on her sternum he turned slightly, letting her see his back and the patchwork of scars covering it from all of the times Voldemort expressed his temper on Severus.  She reached and traced one red line.  “Aren’t we a pair.”

He turned back to her and slid his hand up the center of her chest, up her neck and onto her face to cup her cheek. He gave her a reassuring smile. He was about to say something when she glanced down “Merlin” she said softly, “doesn’t seem to have um, affected your mood.” He followed her gaze to the tented front of his trousers and laughed.

“Absolutely nothing could detract from my mood this evening,” his voice rumbled as he drew her close again, pulling her flush, his erection forced up and pressed against her belly. He swayed softly with her in his arms, and slowly leaned in to kiss her again. “You’re so beautiful Hermione, my Hermione.” He went to his knees in front of her and kissed across her chest, stroking his hands up and down her back, finally sucking on one hard nipple to make her gasp.  She raised one leg to wrap around him, grinding her pelvis against him as he held her and suckled, moving one palm around to grip her pert bottom, kneading it in his hand, letting his fingers press just a bit into the crease of her ass.

“Oh, Severus, Oh please, please please”, he stood, lifting her into the air, making her gasp and giggle, keeping his hands on her, his mouth on her, and walked her the few steps to the bed and sat down, lowering her gently to kneel on the bed, moving her to sit astride his lap. Her mouth was on his again and it was his turn to moan at the feel of her grinding against him, later her tiny hand coming between them to fight with the fastenings of his trousers, then to his surprise she slid down between his legs and attacked the buttons in earnest, finally releasing his hard cock only to take the head into her hot mouth. He was gasping, she felt amazing; he had never known such pleasure as her sweet mouth, her tongue swirling around the head of his cock.  The sight of her with his long, thick cock stretching her lips obscenely nearly made him come.  He reached for her, grasping her under her arms and throwing her onto her bed.  He then stood and quickly shed the rest of his clothing before reaching for her tiny knickers.

“Oh beautiful girl” he said as he moved onto the bed, kneeling between her legs, spreading them wider and holding onto one toned calf as he lifted it to his shoulder.  He admired the small patch of curls between her legs, moving his other hand over it, cupping her and sliding his thumb between her lips to gather some of her ample wetness before circling her clit gently.  She was writhing, her head thrown back, her hands on her own breasts, begging him to fuck her.  He moved down, kissing her smooth thigh, the smell of her, and ohhhhh the taste of her, he was in heaven, face buried between her legs, he fucked her with his tongue as she screamed and rocked against his face. He knew he must be dreaming, it was impossible for this to be happening to him, but even his dreams of her were never this perfect.

He finally positioned the flushed head of his cock at her entrance, moving the head up and down, teasing them both. He leaned over her, “Hermione, my love, my love, my Hermione, love” he chanted into her hair as his cock was enveloped in her sweet pussy for the first time.

She moaned as he penetrated her, deep in her throat, ending in an absolutely obscene laugh as he was fully enveloped, “Ohhh, wanted you for so long, Severus, so long.”

“Yes, yes, darling, yes.” He said, into the soft cloud of her hair.

He started so gently, but the fire between them built and built until she was gripping his shoulder with one hand and one cheek of his arse with the other, one leg wrapped his torso as he fucked her, his hips snapping.  He was utterly lost in her, he had his hands on her hips, raising them slightly off of the bed, and she was gyrating them, the position creating a trail of friction along her sensitive clit, she was riding him back as he fucked her, she was so close, he could see it, her eyes were wild and wanton. He moved one hand to graze the tip of his finger over her clit and it was all she needed, body tensing as she spasmed in pleasure and her eyes lost focus, “Severus, yes, YES, Love you, dear god I love you.”

It was so impossible, the bliss of her body and the joy in his heart, for the first time in his life hearing someone mean those words, the moment was both gone in an instant and dragging on forever as his orgasm hit and he came deep inside of her with a nearly inhuman moan.

He kept thrusting, more gently, both of them too sensitive now, and then more slowly, lowering her bum to the bed and sliding himself down next to her, trying to keep their connection even as his cock rapidly softened.  They ended up with their limbs tangled together, pelvises still touching, facing each other, both sweaty and stunned and sated.

“Severus, I do love you, I love you, I love you,” she said as she pressed kisses to his smiling face.  “My Hermione, oh my sweet love, I love you my darling, more than I could have imagined was possible.” He gathered her to his chest, holding her, feeling her heart beating against his.

*

Severus Snape had not imagined that such a moment was possible.  He had watched for twenty years as his acquaintances and colleagues and then his students paired off and married, building lives together, some starting families. He had told himself for two decades that this was not for him.

Now he stood stunned as the most brilliant witch he had ever known walked towards him, the sun shining in her untamable hair, a bouquet of flowers clutched over the swell of his child growing inside of her. A small band of their friends and family looked on, some stunned at seeing, for the very first time, Severus Snape’s carefree smile.

He had been taken aback when Hermione came to his classroom a few days after their first night together, a night that had turned into a long weekend spent almost exclusively in her bed. She hustled him into his office, cheeks flushed, looking slightly crazed as she told him she had only just realized that they hadn’t done a single contraceptive spell. She paced his office as she said again that she loved him, asking aloud how the two of them could possibly have forgotten, but that if fate gave them a child she wanted it.

He had gone to his knee in that moment, in the most spontaneous act of his life, and asked her to marry him. He had learned well not to take anything in life for granted, to hold fast to those he loved. She had agreed immediately, but asked that the ceremony wait until she could find her parents and restore their memories.  It had taken nearly two years to do that and to mend their relationship with her, during which time Hermione and Severus conceived the child she carried now.

As she finally reached him at the head of the flower strewn path that led her to the magical ceremony that would bind them as husband and wife, she took his hand, laced their fingers and placed their joined digits on top of their child.  “Thank you for waiting for me” she whispered as the ceremony began, “Thank you, my love.”

  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am very new to this, I've only been writing for a little over a week and any feedback or ideas or comments are very much appreciated. Thank you for reading.


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